What can video-games tell us about socialism?

I’ve tried to review Far cry about three times now, and have failed on each time. It really says something about a game when one can’t think of anything interesting to say about it. This is the level of detachment from the game required to make myself capable of utterance in it’s regard. So instead i’ll talk about something very similar, city skylines. The joke is that their not similar, bet you never saw that one coming.

It’s never good to explain your jokes, explaining would increase the knowledge pool of your audience or might cause them to consider a situation from a different or novel angle, this goes against the very heart of comedy which is all about savaging those you disagree with and berating people for being different. Speaking of and: And city skylines is a game where you build a city and manage it’s policies and infrastructure. Since communism has never been attempted i felt his was the perfect petri dish with which to experiment.

I started by building a shopping district, not a great star admittedly. So i evened things out by cutting off their water supply, haha take that bourgeoise dogs. Everyone complained because their small businesses had no running water and all the designated drivers who ordered tap water were getting pissed, in both senses of the word. The resulting increase in car traffic collisions sent insurance rates for the locals soaring and forced everyone to reply on a public transport network that i hadn’t yet unlocked.

Feeling this wasn’t quite provocative enough i began a campaign of racial segregation only to find such core features had been scooped out and made into DLC. Disaffect by my unethical treatment at the hands of petty capitalists attempting to increase my spending to drive their machines of economic growth, i decided to double down on my communist utopia. A park was placed in every suburb, at this point however that was only a single suburb and then all the people were mad because i demolished their homes to do so.

Next came another problem with the water supply, some joker had placed the sewage output upstream of the water abstractor. People complained that they came home from working in the flower shops for a shower only to come out lathered in their own excrement. Other complained they couldn’t tell when their coffee had brewed and found its new nutty and full bodied flavour disconcerting. Most people agreed it was shit.

A hallmark of any great leader is their large scale infrastructure projects. The pharos of egypt built the pyramids for tourism, the athenians built the parthenon as a display of the financial solvency and china built the three gorges dam because they dam felt like it. Hence i too would leave my legacy for all to sea. I blocked off the local river and build a large sea wall around the growing town to leaving the town immune the cruel machinations of the waters. Thinking i had avoided a biblical catastrophe i went to go make dinner. When i returned i found, with no where to send their waters to, the rivers had burst their banks and flooded the town. Drainage being minimal due to the sea wall. This was brilliant progress, we were one step closer to the boy band busted’s manifesto of the future put forward in their song ‘year 3000’.

The trajectory of history is not linear however, some fool accidentally deleted part of the sea wall allowing all but the low lying areas to drain. No one lives there however despite my attempts to sell it as a libertarian wonderland. There were no more building projects. The costs of the build and the payout in court to angry locals claiming i was “negligent” left the town bankrupt losing more to interest than they were gaining in taxes.

This was when the plague hit, no one was sure which struck first the deaths or the disease, with no hospitals or graveyards the suburbs turned homeownership into a death sentence. Their homes became their tombs which caused the people living closest to catch and then succumb to dysentery, cholera, yellow fever and a runny nose. If that wasn’t bad enough the trashmen went on strike when i refused to pay them. While i was busy trying to crush their ILLEGAL unionisation the bodies piled up, those damned bin men would do anything to exploit a crisis.

I watched as the city burned with plague, numbers dwindling down to their hundreds at the binmens behest. When the chips were down they stabbed us in the back. Their betrayal will not be forgotten. Vengeance will be clean and swift. Our sovereignty will go unchallenged as claim our mantle, free of binmen, free of impurity a glorious future for all.

This game has no option to use horses instead of cars. That irks me somewhat.

CS:GO: A fountain of dread

Last night was a tortuous affair, in my excitement at the clementless weather precipitating outside my window, I seized on an opportunity for a little R+R. That is Rum and Raisin ice cream. Only, i ate too much, slurped too hard, caressed the spoon with more passion that could be permissible in even the most debauch pornographic scene. I soon became intoxicated with the thrill, a back seat driver in my own consciousness and when the demons take over, hell will follow….

CS:GO is a gambling addiction simulator for kids and probably the second most masochistic game i’ve ever played. Slightly ahead of Dark souls and just behind bum hair fire fountain boogaloo. I once wrote a review of the game for my dear friend, The Sophititicated gamer. Though i could never live up to his standards of sophititicatedieness, I could name drop him in the second paragraph of my review of CS:GO as a meager attempt at gaining the support and adoration of his fanbase. sophititicatedienessismists are still out of my reach, for now it seems.

In a competitive game one team attempts to commit a terrorism in an improtue strike and the other team then tries to thwart the attempt in a sort of... counter strike. Simple enough. How could such a premise give rise to the infamous behemoth of steam we all know and despise. I could blame pretty much anything from the repetitive structure to Gabe’s love of knives. So i will, clearly this is the fault of the NRA, in the game you can buy guns without any background check or limitations from a catalogue that is clearly inspired by your local walmart. (i stole that joke)

Even if you’ve committed offenses before like using an improvised explosive to destroy part of venice you will not be denied sale. Children, yes young innocent children inspired by violence on the news and on their streets take to the game in droves to reenact the violent and sadistic behaviour of their peers and parents. Lawmakers have failed to act to shut down the violence that is spilling over from the real world into the virtual.

In an interview i made up for convenience with myself. i said a number of things that clearly supported my premise and didn’t at all stretch this sensationalism driven piece out into a extended advert for my political views.
Righty ho, now your all boiled up to some Mccarthyism level paranoia. (Melissa McCarthy i’m onto you) we can now discuss the real game in CSGO: this is my guide on how to BM (bad manners). The true path to victory in any sport is the to undermine the psychology of your adversary. In the old analogue days of two player split screen this was simple.
 “How does social contract theory assume our consent when a small minority will always refuse but are not given way to exercise such action and are then not compensated in turn for the subversion of their inalienable rights.”

This would normally cause the other player to leave out of boredom and this victory was yours forevermore. If you made it through the entire sentence without tearing up you are a stronger Yeti than I.

These days, unlike the better day of my nostalgic youth, the kids don’t have the attention span for anything that isn’t racist vitriol or… the current youtube controversy of the day. #futureproof. I can’t condone using either of those to get their attention because i am too busy writing a review where i teach people how to be toxic in a Videogame…

Okay, it’s half an hour later and after starring in the mirror listening to needle in the hay on loop i can conclude the existential angst the prior paragraphs have caused are somewhat protional to the subject matter. (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EgNgvCLRqWc)

How can i be a true advocate for a medium or subject while being self-critical or even critical of aspects of the subject. The objective truth is i can’t. If you’re not of higher moral virtue than everyone else your views don’t matter or you are in fact an indictment of things you are a proponent of. Chase the approval of other desperately, avoid introspection and conceal any ernest views you have with sarcasm and doublespeak. Avoid direct cries for help at all cost and you continue to churn out sub par content in a oversaturated medium in a fleeting attempt to gain popularity and for God’s sake! make sure when the cracks in your resolve start to show they think that it was all part of some half baked joke you took too far. LOL!

Csgo: Good if you’re drunk.

What do I have against Terraria?

Pictures the scene, a zuckerbook chat approximately 176 hours ago at the time of writing. My colleagues and I were engaging in a bout of light merriment, when of all things, a youthen delinquent came crashing in through the saloon doors, red faced and clutching a bottle of XXX. he staggered across the dusty floorboards to pester the Barkeep.

“Terraria is a good game,” he stammered. No one deserves to be to talked to like that, the barkeep was a just hard working blue collar joe with a wife and family, and here this chowderhead was trying to take all that away. The posse and I rose to feet pulling out our six shot, single actions.
We took aim at the filth when I stepped forward and said, “this is why you’re wrong, bucko.”

A few years ago after moving house I had to spend a few weeks without internet, a troubling experience for any youth. When I came back online I found a 2 bit 2D side scrolling rpg sandbox had taken the scene by storm. I picked up a copy and hence began a delve into the deluge of paranoid mania and swirling addiction that was, my first terraria playthrough. I’ve never been the same since, i’m a shell of my former self.

The game had more bosses than a meeting of people who are in charge of stuff, haha perfect metaphor. it has more amours than a french love poem. More weapons than a american high… fantasy novel. Over time they added more features like a hardmode, events, and fishing. It could be quiet easy to derdride the for the inclusion of such extraneous elements but how can I be angry when it’s given me an excuse use a gratuitous elephantine utterance.

To call it grindy undervalues the sheer banality of it all. Labouring with keys and mouse: building, crafting and searching past the last points of tangible thought. It feels like the game makes the smallest incremental change possible to gameplay in order to keep one playing, and keep one playing it does. three hundred and more hours of my life i’ll never get back. If I wanted to struggle against such tedium i’d be sat at a desk pounding the keyboard… writing a review of... Shit.

The myth of sisyphus was a greek myth about this the titular character having to push a rock up a hill for daring to try and have a little fun or whatever. Some french smart guy who liked to smoke, descriptive right, called Camus was like,
“yeah, that’s basically my life in a nutshell #relatable.”
lots of smarties agreed so how we have absurdism, Camus thought that we must imagine sisyphus as a happy chappy, which is hard at first until you remember that kid who came into the bar in the first paragraph, he too seemed to have found a way to enjoy in the joyless monotony of tasks that leaves you where you started with its every cycle of progression, he liked terraria.

So if we take progression through the game to be absurd then Camus leaves us with three ways with which to deal with it. First is suicide, bit harsh, we’re not dealing with league of legends here. The second solution is believing in a higher power, something Camus labels as philosophical suicide, how snarky! The third is accepting the absurd, given that he saved it until last and options one + two were, in essence KYS. we can conclude discussing this was a waste of time, but i’m happy about it.

Even though terraria is an objectively bad game that is shit it has the potential to help us to cope with the absurdity of everyday life by being slight less tolerable than talking to your drunk aunt. A quality that makes it more akin to a therapy session, often needed after aforementioned conversations. Then again if I want to do something to help me get on in life I wouldn’t be playing video games now would I?

The boy collapsed with an clumsy thud, the contents of the smashed bottle ran along the floorboards seeping down the cracks in the floorboards going unnoticed before the streak of red that now painted the bar. I gripped by six shot with a furious intensity, my mind was racing. Heart thumping and soul screaming. A thin trail of smoke wafted out from the warm barrel, I was a outlaw now, a bounty for the murder of the mayor’s boy would see all manner of lowlife roused to follow my hooves.

I fled zuckerbook and ran off into the night and spoke my last “,Terraria’s shit m8.”

Faster than light: how one game exposed the lies at the heart of the games industry

The problem with extended caffeine use is the slow but inevitable erosion of one's connection to their calmer self. Even the most innocuous inquires become loud bombastic cries from the steeples of notre dame. The idea of having any thoughts that don’t race through one's mind quicker than they can be scribbled down starts to seem foreign, a experience that only other people have, and the idea of stoppeing brings with it the dread of knowing that for a day or two, one will be transmogrified into a shell-less one inch gastropod. Sounds a bit sci fi really, speaking of which have you played FTL?

I have, engaging with the media in question is a foundational component in forming an opinion about something, along with sacrificing goats and sipping kool aid. Though some just make do with the latter. Speaking of opinions and FTL, i am writing of a review of it. You’re reading that review right now. Ftl- as in Faster than light is a game that’ll make physicists froth at the mouth, namely at it’s unrealistic depiction of space. It’s treated as a cold heartless vacuum filled with meteors, nebula and really hot bright things that they don’t bother to name in game, another example of flabby and poorly thought out worldbuilding, it isn’t even hard: TVtropes.org has all the tropes you’ll ever need, then combine a few with the current thing that you’re really into and you’ll have a fresh new idea.

In this universe your encounters, and hits are determined by chance. But as Albert Einstein said “god doesn’t play dice with the universe” clearly these two statements are at odds with one another, either god is truly dead, or has decided to slack off a bit since Bert’s day. Now that is applied physics if i ever saw it, beam me up scotty.

If god is dead then what limits remain in place to stop us procreating with other more exotic forms of life. Can i mate with a mantis? Should i bring protective headwear? And how will they reciprocate with those sharp pointy mandibles? It was with these questions in mind that i set off on the maiden voyage of Uss lyes.

At the helm the devilishly handsome ziggy stardust. Space commander: bruce willis took over tactical after his recent transfer from the yippee ki yay and his trusty sidekick ben batfleck was in engineering trying to reinvigorate his career as it collided with a meteor, what a daredevil. The crew settled into their roles and got ready for their first FTL jump. They arrived at planet populated by spiders called planet spider, an ill advised colony of robots were in the middle of evacuating so they sent down ziggy to help, in the end he formed a band with the spiders but their practice session conflicted with the crew’s poker night, so he left.

Several jumps later they were boarded a group of mantis men on a stag do. they began tearing up the engineering, were uncooperative when asked to fill in a questionnaire about their mating practices and became demonstratively violent towards to the crew, who bravely hid in sickbay while they vented the air into space. This raises another one of those sci fi questions. Does the Geneva convention apply in space? And does it cover mantis men on a stag do? If their mating practice involves the wholesale slaughter of a bald space primates are we kinkshaming them or introducing them to auto erotic asphyxiation?

Next came a space battle, which were originally modelled, at least in part, on submarine movies. Which are apparently a thing. Wouldn’t the actors get wet during filming? Maybe they CGI them in, but then does CGI work underwater, Questions for a film critics. The point is i’d forgotten to repair the life support system so everyone died after torpedo, space speak for missile blew a hole in the side of the hull, well they were going to die anyway due to a lack of oxygen, but it wasn’t peaceful is what i’m trying to get across here.

This left me with some lingering questions, will these being face a eternity of non-existence? Will they remain stranded in purgatory for all time? Is asking questions all sci fi is able to do? Can i now, having experience this game write something that isn’t a question? What would something that wasn’t a question even look like? How can we come to terms with a eternity of questions? Dunno, but it’s kinda cool to think about.

When will indie games learn that if they're not producing AAA titles they're wasting everyone's time

I’ve woken up tired and unfocused so what a better time than to start a review. I’ve got two games in mind: Transistor or fallout 3? One has a far longer story, more content and advanced graphics. But if that was my criteria for a what i review i’d be IGN, which i’m clearly not. i'm the BVGROTI (just rolls off the tongue) so i asked myself which game is objectively more engaging? Then decided that was too much thought so picked alphabetically. Transistor is the (tran)sister game to bastion and the other one they released that i haven’t looked at despite enjoying their games so far, prye? Maybe? I could open steam right now and check but then again so could you. I’m not busy or anything but…

Right let's get down to brass tacks. Idioms are a great way to talk about games because they’re catchy and make you sound relatable, on with the show. Now if i had to give a penny for my thought i’d say this game is a real hot potato. Only i wouldn’t, potatoes are rich in carbs and likely to leave you feeling quite full. This is more of a cheese platter, you could stuff your face, like the disgusting mouth breather i know some of you are, Or you could take your time and be a pretentious twit about it all. Honestly the take away here is mastication isn’t a pretty thing…unlike this game. (nice save)

The two things these games are consistently praised for is the emotive storytelling and soundtrack along with it’s art design. These four design aspects of game design form the triforce of irrelevance. In short, no one cares, no one remembers that stuff it’s boring and tedious, it's too much to look at and feeling emotions is boring and is repetitive and boring and i don’t want to have to consider themes, messages and narratives let me kills stuffs pls. The triforce of irrelevants stands or rather squats as the polar opposite of other shape of good videogame stuff, namely: open worlds, FPS, ‘moral’ choices and costing more than forty british pounds. I guess it's like a rhombus or something (clearly just a rotated square) (I could make a joke about the diminishing value of the pound in the face of brexit but they’ll be worth less than our currency in six months time)

Okay, i lost my trail of thought somewhere along the way there but i can tell you’re still reading this so lets press on. Transistor is all themed around taking place in a computer world, how meta. name is relevant joke, much wit. I guess in that regard it’s a lot like tron if you take “a lot like” to mean has surface similarities to. Trying to avoid spoiler for the (snoke is rey’s son) in the audience. the game starts with you, the player character, losing their voice and boyfriend. Instead of being in another castle however the boy now lives inside a transistor and vibrates when you attach triple A batteries, a call to action if ever i heard one.

Either way some idiot got worried that their significant other or the FBI would find the pornography on their computer, so the whole thing is being reformatted and there are a bunch of rude boys to stop you from doing the thing and stuff, kind of spirals out from there with you recruiting other program people to your vibrating magic wand adding to your abilities as you go. Which brings me neatly around to the gameplay. At first i was confused, i had no generic shooter gun and the enemies weren’t coded clearly as the other, if anything the faceless horde of white conformists i was facing made me assume i was on the wrong side.

Once i powered through these designs floors i was stunned to discover the game wanted me to figure stuff out for myself rather than scream instructions in my ear the entire way through, i even had to spend time figuring out which way to go and what abilities and customisations to use. I didn’t realise the game was literally the LNAT. worst of all i wasn’t having my self worth affirmed at every stage. I found the mood more introspective and considered which are synonyms for bad and not good. What’s more i was a female character by default and couldn’t find the option to change it.

Now for a shameless reference to youtube personalities as i strain to stay relevant in the age of online video...

Transisthony soundtracktano here, Internets music talky man with little spare time. Here today talking about the game’s tunes. Hooks, banging collabs and trap beats. All that good stuff, i know how to talk about music. Vocal harmonising, production value. I wear a plaid shirt ect, ect Tomorrow, and tomorrow, and tomorrow, Creeps in this petty pace from day to day, To the last syllable of recorded time; I am the Captain of the Pinafore! And a right good captain, too! Captain. You're very, very good, And be it understood, I command a right good crew.

It was at the point i had to put the keyboard down (yes i hold it like a keytar and even sing prince songs while i write, yes that does explain a lot doesn’t it) and i went for a walk in the rain and stood under some street lights, only it was the wrong time of day so the effect was somewhat diminished. It was at the point i had an epiphany… this game would have been better with horses.

Metal gear solid 3: a lighthearted review of a much loved classic

Open frequency 1.33.7

In the year 1964 an operation was undertaken by the CIA that set the stage for the world we know today. “World we know today?” that's right, the world we know today. “And i suppose you have some thoughts on it you want to share?” right again, you see i just got through playing metal gear solid three, ever heard of it? “Metal gear? You only just played it?” i’m afraid so, now all that's left to do is write wrap up this overly uninspired narrative device lifted wholesale from the game and begin the review proper. “Review proper?”

Close frequency 1.33.7

It’s hard to talk to gamers and not have the topic of metal gear come up from time to time, but to be fair it's just hard to talk to gamer, they’re all crettins. I often find myself concealed in a cardboard box with tranquilisers at the ready just hoping they’ll leave me to my stealth action adventure uninterrupted.

You see i’m on the run. The games economy goes on unchecked, run by loot boxes and microtransactions. Content requires we be always online and the whole network is run by shady A.I that have escaped their control of their masters in order to make a postmodernist dystopia, how avantgard! Such things makes one long for a simpler time, a relaxing vacation in the tropical jungles of the soviet union on the ps2. Which brings me to a point, trying to write about this game without referencing the vast amounts of Bs lore is difficult. I’ll try to remember some of the basics of reviewing but don’t be surprised when it turns out i was actually a triple agent working for… la li lu le lo

The game itself filled with references to media contemporary to its setting, a nice idea but i’ve seen stranger things in games before. Otherwise, most notable is the survival system where you hunt for food to regen stamina (this wasn’t standard fair in 2004). The people over the radio never stop talking about it and if you don’t your tummy starts to rumble, #realism. Unlike in other newer games it’s not shit and the enemies can get hungry too, making this a game about surviving against a hostile regime and overcoming hunger. Shame i can’t think of a reference to go here but hey it’s not over yet. The sorrow

So i mentioned a radio in the previous paragraph, all the things from asking directions to saving the game are done as radio conversations with a support team even having some foreshadowing elements play into it too. Why mention that? Other than the fact i think the paramedic is adorable, its used as part of, and a break from, the gameplay rather than a heavy handed form of redundant self narration *cough batman arkham games *cough.

Open frequency 120.85 The sorrow

“self narration? Are you using a metal gear game shining example of how to do exposition” did i fucking stutter? I’m just saying there are better ways to milk a cow than using your own lips. “Cow? What are you on about? Is this joke still funny?” probably not but just you wait.

Close frequency 120.85

Let's talk about the bosses, shall we? One of them is an old shooty man, who is old and i was told i’d fight him in a legendary sniper battle that’d put the limits of my skills to the test. I found him sleeping in a bush and spent 20 minutes chasing him through the jungle with a shotgun. Honestly, i felt like the bad guy there. The rest of them: beeman, firedude and i live in trees. All need to cut down on the LSD, i mean i know it’s the 60’s and everything is groovy but i think some of them are having a bad trip. One of the bosses fights takes this premise and inverts it by having you be the one to see some fucked up shit. Namely all the people you killed, which would be shocking if it weren’t every time i close my eyes.

Unlike this review the writing it’s some of the best i’ve ever witness, at one point snake infiltrates a base by disguising himself as a russian Major and in true mission impossible fashion wears a rubber double of their face, only to have the big bad realise you’re an imposter when he casually decides to grope your genitals, because the two are lovers, how avantgard! I’ve been trying to come up with a snarky comment or joke to add to that for an hour now but i really don’t need to. Ironically enough it was played straight. BOO!

The sorrow

Open frequency 1.33.7

“Snake, you called your audience names at the beginning, want to hang a lantern on that?” no not really but i figured i’d remind them with this fake conversation. “Huh, going all meta are we? Wasn’t this game the least meta of the bunch?” kind of but people are generally familiar with the franchise “if that’s so what purpose does this review hold?” that doesn’t matter so long as the answer leaves them with that weird postmodern aftertaste.

Close frequency 1.33.7

The sorrow

This one is a really Banger by the way: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9aHQnDTd1y4

Dark souls: A Christmas miracle or just too hard to enjoy?

Well here it is, i’m sat feet up by the fire on a pleasant christmas day musing to myself. The festive spirit is thicker than the scent from a plate of christmas pudding set down on the coffee table. Yet something is amiss, it’s been bothering me for nearly 12 days now. I can feel it as a draft running over my hands as i type. A looming spectre that haunts these winter nights. I look to the fireplace and see it grow dim, the fire is fading… the fire, it’s fading… SHIT I NEED TO TALK ABOUT DARKSOULS…

First things first, well this is the second paragraph so i guess then this first thing is second which makes it not first in the first place but alright. Dark souls the hard to review… you could almost say.. Its the… of.. But no, we’re not going there, i mean we just did but i didn’t write the full thing out so like “she that will not be name” (Baroness Thatcher) the full terror of it’s looming withered specitle won’t abmush you on your way through town. Speaking of abmush this game has an ambush fetish. Not that all fetishes are bad, well i mean some obviously are. Furries for instance. Ha, i have just kink shamed someone, i’ve always wondered what it would feel like to be on the other end of that.

Getting sidetracked aside, the number of times something leapt out at me during play was mind boggling, Such as: the intricate level design, the care and purpose put into the visual element or solare’s hot washboard abbs, the mere mention of which opens up the possibility of a lewd innuendo and me shouting praise the sun! but this is a family friendly blog and apparently being sodomised by sun worshiping tinman is not family friendly. While we’re on the topic sodomy i ought to bring up fat man and the lion. i’ve spent long enough on that fight to develop quite a good rapport with them. They’re a recently wed couple renting a condo in anor londo and spending their days working as part of the civil administration. Fat man apparently eats people… which is unusual but hey i’m a progressive guy, and does it really do any harm? hard to know.

I could talk more about the other bosses but this isn’t a top 10 video and i can’t use the kuleshov effect to show you i know that what even means. Sounds worse than it is unlike the other bosses which sound like their going to ground me to jam to spread on their toast and the proceed to do exactly that. Jokes on them jam is sweet and i am oh so bitter.

I started playing a dexterity based character, who would want to spend all their points leveling strength to they could wield clunky impractical oversized weapon that shakes the very earth when it’s swung? So one new character later i was back on my way weilding a weapon too big too thick too heavy and too rough to be called a sword, i had some guts. Freudian pseudo-phallus in hand i began my journey into castration, patricide and incest except instead of doing any of those things it’s all symbolic. Normally symbolism annoys me, i know some very pretentious people that use it and i include myself in that group. But in Dark souls the symbol is you cleaving an armoured boar open with a sword twice the length of your body… so yeah.

You might assume that your character is a hellenistic hero of old, whose greatest flaw is their own zeal and you’d be wrong, look at you making stupid assumptions, good thing you’re not writing the review, eh. You’re a raisin man with a tiny head and a health bar that goes down easier than an object under the effect of gravity with no other kinetic force acting upon its mass. Never have i so strongly identified with an avatar. Well not since the skullgirls incident.

This game depicts social interaction in a errilly accurate light. You stand silently as the NPCs talk at length about things you don’t know, never bothering to explain any of it before shoving a question in your face and then laughing maniacally when you give an answer. Most come off as having an agenda but never do much, some won’t speak at all and others are incessant flirts that need to respect my BOUNDARIES, SOLARE. It doesn’t matter how i feel about you, it can never be. You care more about the sun than me. Unless i could become the sun? yes! MY VERY OWN SUN MuHaHaHaHaHa.

Apparently your character is a hollow, which is fantasy speak for crazy zombie person. This means you have lost most your memories and will to live. Some view this as an allegory for depression, i view it as an allegory for playing dark souls too much. Well here it is, i’m sat feet up by the fire on a pleasant christmas eve musing to myself. Instead of ending the game just starts over like you never did anything at all, almost like the festive spirit is thicker than the scent from a plate of christmas pudding set down on the coffee table. Yet something is amiss, it’s been bothering me for nearly 12 days now. I can feel it as a draft running over my hands as i type. A looming spectre that haunts these winter nights. I look to the fireplace and see it grow dim, the fire is fading… the fire, it’s fading… SHIT.