Open frequency 1.33.7
In the year 1964 an operation was undertaken by the CIA that set the stage for the world we know today. “World we know today?” that's right, the world we know today. “And i suppose you have some thoughts on it you want to share?” right again, you see i just got through playing metal gear solid three, ever heard of it? “Metal gear? You only just played it?” i’m afraid so, now all that's left to do is write wrap up this overly uninspired narrative device lifted wholesale from the game and begin the review proper. “Review proper?”
Close frequency 1.33.7
It’s hard to talk to gamers and not have the topic of metal gear come up from time to time, but to be fair it's just hard to talk to gamer, they’re all crettins. I often find myself concealed in a cardboard box with tranquilisers at the ready just hoping they’ll leave me to my stealth action adventure uninterrupted.
You see i’m on the run. The games economy goes on unchecked, run by loot boxes and microtransactions. Content requires we be always online and the whole network is run by shady A.I that have escaped their control of their masters in order to make a postmodernist dystopia, how avantgard! Such things makes one long for a simpler time, a relaxing vacation in the tropical jungles of the soviet union on the ps2. Which brings me to a point, trying to write about this game without referencing the vast amounts of Bs lore is difficult. I’ll try to remember some of the basics of reviewing but don’t be surprised when it turns out i was actually a triple agent working for… la li lu le lo
The game itself filled with references to media contemporary to its setting, a nice idea but i’ve seen stranger things in games before. Otherwise, most notable is the survival system where you hunt for food to regen stamina (this wasn’t standard fair in 2004). The people over the radio never stop talking about it and if you don’t your tummy starts to rumble, #realism. Unlike in other newer games it’s not shit and the enemies can get hungry too, making this a game about surviving against a hostile regime and overcoming hunger. Shame i can’t think of a reference to go here but hey it’s not over yet. The sorrow
So i mentioned a radio in the previous paragraph, all the things from asking directions to saving the game are done as radio conversations with a support team even having some foreshadowing elements play into it too. Why mention that? Other than the fact i think the paramedic is adorable, its used as part of, and a break from, the gameplay rather than a heavy handed form of redundant self narration *cough batman arkham games *cough.
Open frequency 120.85 The sorrow
“self narration? Are you using a metal gear game shining example of how to do exposition” did i fucking stutter? I’m just saying there are better ways to milk a cow than using your own lips. “Cow? What are you on about? Is this joke still funny?” probably not but just you wait.
Close frequency 120.85
Let's talk about the bosses, shall we? One of them is an old shooty man, who is old and i was told i’d fight him in a legendary sniper battle that’d put the limits of my skills to the test. I found him sleeping in a bush and spent 20 minutes chasing him through the jungle with a shotgun. Honestly, i felt like the bad guy there. The rest of them: beeman, firedude and i live in trees. All need to cut down on the LSD, i mean i know it’s the 60’s and everything is groovy but i think some of them are having a bad trip. One of the bosses fights takes this premise and inverts it by having you be the one to see some fucked up shit. Namely all the people you killed, which would be shocking if it weren’t every time i close my eyes.
Unlike this review the writing it’s some of the best i’ve ever witness, at one point snake infiltrates a base by disguising himself as a russian Major and in true mission impossible fashion wears a rubber double of their face, only to have the big bad realise you’re an imposter when he casually decides to grope your genitals, because the two are lovers, how avantgard! I’ve been trying to come up with a snarky comment or joke to add to that for an hour now but i really don’t need to. Ironically enough it was played straight. BOO!
The sorrow
Open frequency 1.33.7
“Snake, you called your audience names at the beginning, want to hang a lantern on that?” no not really but i figured i’d remind them with this fake conversation. “Huh, going all meta are we? Wasn’t this game the least meta of the bunch?” kind of but people are generally familiar with the franchise “if that’s so what purpose does this review hold?” that doesn’t matter so long as the answer leaves them with that weird postmodern aftertaste.
Close frequency 1.33.7
The sorrow
This one is a really Banger by the way: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9aHQnDTd1y4
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