When will indie games learn that if they're not producing AAA titles they're wasting everyone's time

I’ve woken up tired and unfocused so what a better time than to start a review. I’ve got two games in mind: Transistor or fallout 3? One has a far longer story, more content and advanced graphics. But if that was my criteria for a what i review i’d be IGN, which i’m clearly not. i'm the BVGROTI (just rolls off the tongue) so i asked myself which game is objectively more engaging? Then decided that was too much thought so picked alphabetically. Transistor is the (tran)sister game to bastion and the other one they released that i haven’t looked at despite enjoying their games so far, prye? Maybe? I could open steam right now and check but then again so could you. I’m not busy or anything but…

Right let's get down to brass tacks. Idioms are a great way to talk about games because they’re catchy and make you sound relatable, on with the show. Now if i had to give a penny for my thought i’d say this game is a real hot potato. Only i wouldn’t, potatoes are rich in carbs and likely to leave you feeling quite full. This is more of a cheese platter, you could stuff your face, like the disgusting mouth breather i know some of you are, Or you could take your time and be a pretentious twit about it all. Honestly the take away here is mastication isn’t a pretty thing…unlike this game. (nice save)

The two things these games are consistently praised for is the emotive storytelling and soundtrack along with it’s art design. These four design aspects of game design form the triforce of irrelevance. In short, no one cares, no one remembers that stuff it’s boring and tedious, it's too much to look at and feeling emotions is boring and is repetitive and boring and i don’t want to have to consider themes, messages and narratives let me kills stuffs pls. The triforce of irrelevants stands or rather squats as the polar opposite of other shape of good videogame stuff, namely: open worlds, FPS, ‘moral’ choices and costing more than forty british pounds. I guess it's like a rhombus or something (clearly just a rotated square) (I could make a joke about the diminishing value of the pound in the face of brexit but they’ll be worth less than our currency in six months time)

Okay, i lost my trail of thought somewhere along the way there but i can tell you’re still reading this so lets press on. Transistor is all themed around taking place in a computer world, how meta. name is relevant joke, much wit. I guess in that regard it’s a lot like tron if you take “a lot like” to mean has surface similarities to. Trying to avoid spoiler for the (snoke is rey’s son) in the audience. the game starts with you, the player character, losing their voice and boyfriend. Instead of being in another castle however the boy now lives inside a transistor and vibrates when you attach triple A batteries, a call to action if ever i heard one.

Either way some idiot got worried that their significant other or the FBI would find the pornography on their computer, so the whole thing is being reformatted and there are a bunch of rude boys to stop you from doing the thing and stuff, kind of spirals out from there with you recruiting other program people to your vibrating magic wand adding to your abilities as you go. Which brings me neatly around to the gameplay. At first i was confused, i had no generic shooter gun and the enemies weren’t coded clearly as the other, if anything the faceless horde of white conformists i was facing made me assume i was on the wrong side.

Once i powered through these designs floors i was stunned to discover the game wanted me to figure stuff out for myself rather than scream instructions in my ear the entire way through, i even had to spend time figuring out which way to go and what abilities and customisations to use. I didn’t realise the game was literally the LNAT. worst of all i wasn’t having my self worth affirmed at every stage. I found the mood more introspective and considered which are synonyms for bad and not good. What’s more i was a female character by default and couldn’t find the option to change it.

Now for a shameless reference to youtube personalities as i strain to stay relevant in the age of online video...

Transisthony soundtracktano here, Internets music talky man with little spare time. Here today talking about the game’s tunes. Hooks, banging collabs and trap beats. All that good stuff, i know how to talk about music. Vocal harmonising, production value. I wear a plaid shirt ect, ect Tomorrow, and tomorrow, and tomorrow, Creeps in this petty pace from day to day, To the last syllable of recorded time; I am the Captain of the Pinafore! And a right good captain, too! Captain. You're very, very good, And be it understood, I command a right good crew.

It was at the point i had to put the keyboard down (yes i hold it like a keytar and even sing prince songs while i write, yes that does explain a lot doesn’t it) and i went for a walk in the rain and stood under some street lights, only it was the wrong time of day so the effect was somewhat diminished. It was at the point i had an epiphany… this game would have been better with horses.

Metal gear solid 3: a lighthearted review of a much loved classic

Open frequency 1.33.7

In the year 1964 an operation was undertaken by the CIA that set the stage for the world we know today. “World we know today?” that's right, the world we know today. “And i suppose you have some thoughts on it you want to share?” right again, you see i just got through playing metal gear solid three, ever heard of it? “Metal gear? You only just played it?” i’m afraid so, now all that's left to do is write wrap up this overly uninspired narrative device lifted wholesale from the game and begin the review proper. “Review proper?”

Close frequency 1.33.7

It’s hard to talk to gamers and not have the topic of metal gear come up from time to time, but to be fair it's just hard to talk to gamer, they’re all crettins. I often find myself concealed in a cardboard box with tranquilisers at the ready just hoping they’ll leave me to my stealth action adventure uninterrupted.

You see i’m on the run. The games economy goes on unchecked, run by loot boxes and microtransactions. Content requires we be always online and the whole network is run by shady A.I that have escaped their control of their masters in order to make a postmodernist dystopia, how avantgard! Such things makes one long for a simpler time, a relaxing vacation in the tropical jungles of the soviet union on the ps2. Which brings me to a point, trying to write about this game without referencing the vast amounts of Bs lore is difficult. I’ll try to remember some of the basics of reviewing but don’t be surprised when it turns out i was actually a triple agent working for… la li lu le lo

The game itself filled with references to media contemporary to its setting, a nice idea but i’ve seen stranger things in games before. Otherwise, most notable is the survival system where you hunt for food to regen stamina (this wasn’t standard fair in 2004). The people over the radio never stop talking about it and if you don’t your tummy starts to rumble, #realism. Unlike in other newer games it’s not shit and the enemies can get hungry too, making this a game about surviving against a hostile regime and overcoming hunger. Shame i can’t think of a reference to go here but hey it’s not over yet. The sorrow

So i mentioned a radio in the previous paragraph, all the things from asking directions to saving the game are done as radio conversations with a support team even having some foreshadowing elements play into it too. Why mention that? Other than the fact i think the paramedic is adorable, its used as part of, and a break from, the gameplay rather than a heavy handed form of redundant self narration *cough batman arkham games *cough.

Open frequency 120.85 The sorrow

“self narration? Are you using a metal gear game shining example of how to do exposition” did i fucking stutter? I’m just saying there are better ways to milk a cow than using your own lips. “Cow? What are you on about? Is this joke still funny?” probably not but just you wait.

Close frequency 120.85

Let's talk about the bosses, shall we? One of them is an old shooty man, who is old and i was told i’d fight him in a legendary sniper battle that’d put the limits of my skills to the test. I found him sleeping in a bush and spent 20 minutes chasing him through the jungle with a shotgun. Honestly, i felt like the bad guy there. The rest of them: beeman, firedude and i live in trees. All need to cut down on the LSD, i mean i know it’s the 60’s and everything is groovy but i think some of them are having a bad trip. One of the bosses fights takes this premise and inverts it by having you be the one to see some fucked up shit. Namely all the people you killed, which would be shocking if it weren’t every time i close my eyes.

Unlike this review the writing it’s some of the best i’ve ever witness, at one point snake infiltrates a base by disguising himself as a russian Major and in true mission impossible fashion wears a rubber double of their face, only to have the big bad realise you’re an imposter when he casually decides to grope your genitals, because the two are lovers, how avantgard! I’ve been trying to come up with a snarky comment or joke to add to that for an hour now but i really don’t need to. Ironically enough it was played straight. BOO!

The sorrow

Open frequency 1.33.7

“Snake, you called your audience names at the beginning, want to hang a lantern on that?” no not really but i figured i’d remind them with this fake conversation. “Huh, going all meta are we? Wasn’t this game the least meta of the bunch?” kind of but people are generally familiar with the franchise “if that’s so what purpose does this review hold?” that doesn’t matter so long as the answer leaves them with that weird postmodern aftertaste.

Close frequency 1.33.7

The sorrow

This one is a really Banger by the way: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9aHQnDTd1y4

Dark souls: A Christmas miracle or just too hard to enjoy?

Well here it is, i’m sat feet up by the fire on a pleasant christmas day musing to myself. The festive spirit is thicker than the scent from a plate of christmas pudding set down on the coffee table. Yet something is amiss, it’s been bothering me for nearly 12 days now. I can feel it as a draft running over my hands as i type. A looming spectre that haunts these winter nights. I look to the fireplace and see it grow dim, the fire is fading… the fire, it’s fading… SHIT I NEED TO TALK ABOUT DARKSOULS…

First things first, well this is the second paragraph so i guess then this first thing is second which makes it not first in the first place but alright. Dark souls the hard to review… you could almost say.. Its the… of.. But no, we’re not going there, i mean we just did but i didn’t write the full thing out so like “she that will not be name” (Baroness Thatcher) the full terror of it’s looming withered specitle won’t abmush you on your way through town. Speaking of abmush this game has an ambush fetish. Not that all fetishes are bad, well i mean some obviously are. Furries for instance. Ha, i have just kink shamed someone, i’ve always wondered what it would feel like to be on the other end of that.

Getting sidetracked aside, the number of times something leapt out at me during play was mind boggling, Such as: the intricate level design, the care and purpose put into the visual element or solare’s hot washboard abbs, the mere mention of which opens up the possibility of a lewd innuendo and me shouting praise the sun! but this is a family friendly blog and apparently being sodomised by sun worshiping tinman is not family friendly. While we’re on the topic sodomy i ought to bring up fat man and the lion. i’ve spent long enough on that fight to develop quite a good rapport with them. They’re a recently wed couple renting a condo in anor londo and spending their days working as part of the civil administration. Fat man apparently eats people… which is unusual but hey i’m a progressive guy, and does it really do any harm? hard to know.

I could talk more about the other bosses but this isn’t a top 10 video and i can’t use the kuleshov effect to show you i know that what even means. Sounds worse than it is unlike the other bosses which sound like their going to ground me to jam to spread on their toast and the proceed to do exactly that. Jokes on them jam is sweet and i am oh so bitter.

I started playing a dexterity based character, who would want to spend all their points leveling strength to they could wield clunky impractical oversized weapon that shakes the very earth when it’s swung? So one new character later i was back on my way weilding a weapon too big too thick too heavy and too rough to be called a sword, i had some guts. Freudian pseudo-phallus in hand i began my journey into castration, patricide and incest except instead of doing any of those things it’s all symbolic. Normally symbolism annoys me, i know some very pretentious people that use it and i include myself in that group. But in Dark souls the symbol is you cleaving an armoured boar open with a sword twice the length of your body… so yeah.

You might assume that your character is a hellenistic hero of old, whose greatest flaw is their own zeal and you’d be wrong, look at you making stupid assumptions, good thing you’re not writing the review, eh. You’re a raisin man with a tiny head and a health bar that goes down easier than an object under the effect of gravity with no other kinetic force acting upon its mass. Never have i so strongly identified with an avatar. Well not since the skullgirls incident.

This game depicts social interaction in a errilly accurate light. You stand silently as the NPCs talk at length about things you don’t know, never bothering to explain any of it before shoving a question in your face and then laughing maniacally when you give an answer. Most come off as having an agenda but never do much, some won’t speak at all and others are incessant flirts that need to respect my BOUNDARIES, SOLARE. It doesn’t matter how i feel about you, it can never be. You care more about the sun than me. Unless i could become the sun? yes! MY VERY OWN SUN MuHaHaHaHaHa.

Apparently your character is a hollow, which is fantasy speak for crazy zombie person. This means you have lost most your memories and will to live. Some view this as an allegory for depression, i view it as an allegory for playing dark souls too much. Well here it is, i’m sat feet up by the fire on a pleasant christmas eve musing to myself. Instead of ending the game just starts over like you never did anything at all, almost like the festive spirit is thicker than the scent from a plate of christmas pudding set down on the coffee table. Yet something is amiss, it’s been bothering me for nearly 12 days now. I can feel it as a draft running over my hands as i type. A looming spectre that haunts these winter nights. I look to the fireplace and see it grow dim, the fire is fading… the fire, it’s fading… SHIT.

dishonored: does story telling have any part to play in modern gaming?

I hit a dry spell, not a sexual dry spell of course i still bed upwards of twenty of the finest sexual specimens the multiverse has ever yielded but a writing dry spell and oh boy have i been pent up. I stare at my keyboard with a lustful male gaze that’d make a prostate exam taking place centre stage at prison of your choosing feel like a smile from stranger in the street. I awake in the middle of the night to find outlines and character development sheets staining my bed, my so called nocturnal emissions have become so problematic i’ve taken to attaching a bell to my pens to wake myself before the deed can be done. What does that have to do with dishonored you might ask? I could answer that i’ve been desperate to talk about it, but it’s not true, i picked it as a topic five minutes ago and even now i’m not sure what i’m going to say about it. So without further ado, further ado.

Dishonored starts with blah blah blah boat hide and sneak stab stab magic prison bang. Unlike the game it only took my one sentence to set that up rather than a brutally slow walking simulator demo. I could use this as an aside to talk about walking simulators, i might. I’m considering it… nah, but i reserve the right to come back to it to fluff my word count if i so choose. The game is fun, i think. When i first played it i was a nervous shut in who never left his room… now i’m… oh shit. Moving on.

The game is set in a steampunk alternate victorian city but instead of being that trash brass steampunk that pillocks on the internet seem to be into it’s retro half life 2. Where the peoples faces are about as haunting as the looming fear of spring heel jack leaping from the london cobbles into your hackney cab brandishing a knife and loot box, ha ha topical joke about loot boxes in the games industry at the moment, no one has made on one those in a while. Haha self commentary meta joke i haven't made one of those in while, haha endless loop of meta self reference that wasn’t funny to begin with, i’ve gone cross eyed.  

Speaking of spring heel jack, you play as some dude with no voice and apparently a backstory, go figure. Also you has super powers. Gods, good and evil and a plague blah blah plot. The details aren't important you can stop time maybe if you level it up. Thought if you could stop time stopping to take in the details of something seems a lot more practical. You can only do so for 2 seconds but in that time you can still lineup enough projectiles from the repeating crossbow to kill four dudes and still leave time for a long monologue about destroying their bloodline or a yare yare daze. Ironically enough i spent a lot of time using the ability…

There’s also a basic teleport ability but your character doesn’t whisper “no hard feeling kid” when he jumps behind someone, i don’t know if this is a bug or an issue with my audio card but i’ve been on the forums, i’ve tried verifying my game cache and reinstalling the game but no luck. If anyone knows about how to fix it please let me know, this is very important to me. It feels like a major part of the experience is missing for me

The game also has moral choice elements, but all games made five years ago had those. It kind of effects the game in the sense that more bodies = more rats. The rats don’t keep talking about gathering for whiskey and cigars however and the fact the guards never bother to invite me is very hurtful. So much so that it almost justifies knocking them unconscious before dragging them up the a third story window ledge and letting them fall to their death, which according to the game isn’t an immoral act…

Complaint number whatever: where are my horse drawn carriages? The whole appeal of history is exploring the question, what if horses were still useful? In dishonored they use two story tall mechanical prosthetic legs instead… i didn’t find a single horse anywhere. Human history is the struggle to find new and more innovative uses for horses. Horses pulled down the berlin wall, they manned the ships at the bay of pigs, they broke the siege at stalingrad and i’m pretty sure a serbian horse shot franz ferdinand, not a huge fan of their stuff but some people got quite angry about it, guy has a nice tash. Without horses we may as well be at a village fête. Ms phyllis’ jam preserve may not allow me stop time, teleport or do the staby staby but it certainly spreads well on granary.

Gamers are stupid, graphics are stupid and horses are alright: i discuss mount and blade: Napoleonic wars

Gunpowder is to warfare what sliced bread is to analogies, the best thing since sliced bread. I could talk about the obvious comparison with the bow, its impact on european warfare and army sizes or it’s roll in the formation of democracies but i know my audience is too stupid to engage with that sort of thing and i feel unreserved contempt for them because of it. As we all know people who review games have an Arbitrary. Scaling. Hierarchical. Intelligence. Total. (ASHIT) rating of somewhere between Sherlock Holmes and Dr House MD. but as an ardent populist and liar afraid to show my unequaled contempt, i don’t give ASHIT. Why? Gunpowder… and now we’ve come full circle let war commence.

It’s been proven in studies carried out by an unnamed and somewhat fictional professor residing in my loose caffeine fueled machinations that the best game to ever be made is: mount and blade: warband: napoleonic wars, An expansion for the second best game ever made whose title somewhat eludes me(and no not PONG). This game, the first one (no not pong, i mean the first i referred to, yes i know there are sherlock holmes games but i meant in this paragraph) where was i?

Oh yes, napoleonic wars. It great, i mean really nothing quite compares with defending helms deep from the onslaught of the prussian army. This isn’t just a simple free for all like most shooters, well it is but everyone pretends it’s not and that makes all the difference. People form squads, lead by idiots that charge straight into a river, dampening your powder just in time for the austrian cavalry to encircle you…  it’s pretty accurate stuff. The use of tactics is minimal, your gun fires once every twenty seconds and a player called angela merkel is likely to snipe you with a mortar nearly a mile back from the actual fighting. Which i’m told isn’t a metaphor for germany’s economic influence.

So why do i like this game? On paper this shouldn’t be nearly as good as it comes to be in practice. The answer is simple, spirituality. This game is a vehicle for the transcendence of the limited bounds of consciousness, as you hear the drums pound articulating the mighty roar of russian muskets and the rich smell of sulfur on the wind. Your mind is distorted and enhanced taken to a place a serenity and balance, a lot like iowaska including the effect of shitting yourself as a lancer shovels his lance into your still beating heart. Dying and being reborn in a constant cycle of ego death as the chat spews toxic insults that’d make 4chan blush. It’s heavenly!

It's not all blood and carnage, i’ve spend time playing the piano while the french storm the farmhouse i’m taking shelter in. i’ve written letters home to mother in quiet contemplation of my own death, stiff upper lip and breechers pulled tort. Few games offer experiences so tangible with graphics so dated. OH SHIT, i mentioned graphics. Alright time to have it out: graphics are bad and you should feel bad for liking them. This a black and white issue, go do technicolor in your own time. There’s no middle ground or message about focusing on gameplay first, or admitting spectacle might have some place in the medium, anything that isn’t eye scratching low poly is literally strangling the games industry and the cause behind the zika virus.

Lets total up the good things about this game to give an objective score so metacritic… meta? Metta get ready! Urghh… i think i just did a minisick and still tastes like last nights field rations. I swear the general is mixing in horsemeat. Speaking of which the game has horses, which you might have guessed from my mention of cavalry but never discount the possibility the games industry will try to pass off two halves of a coconut as a horse. I’ve heard lots about how they can be mean and am surprised they don’t try it more often. The game has guns, albeit ones with the accuracy of a daily mail article but none of the reach. Can you fire a gun on a horse? Yes but it’s about as a effective as a water pistol and their line infantry will only miss so many times. So i’ll give it The weight of human suffering in the name of nationalism/ 10.

If you choose to play this game, be warned merkel awaits, she hasn’t won re-election so many times from her political guile alone… some say she’s unkillable, others say her leadership has positioned her as the de facto leader of the EU, i could keep reading the wiki… but the bugles just sounded and it’s time to charge… time for me to become another casualty of progress… i should have stuck to pong... and not giving ASHIT

Half-life 2: a cultural touch stone or something that could be improved with loot boxes?

Quick question: who would you rather play as? a time travelling cyborg cop with amnesia whose wife has been murdered and he must seek vengeance. Or play as some dude with a hat, not even a particularly good one. Game devs face decisions like this everyday or they would if the corporate overlords would let them. Ever since the original board game clue was invented people has struggled with weaving compelling narratives into their games without someone yelling ‘ludo-narrative dissonance’ at them. The only dissonance here is my having to google what the words means, which i clearly haven’t done. Is that meant to be the dissonance? I actually don’t know.

A Popular choice is the silent protagonist. People always remember characters like James (SH2) and the other ones with fond feelings and pyramid head am i right? Yes. Rhetorical devices aside i think it’s time i tackle half life 2. Back before you were born valve made games. History lessons aside, the game has you play a Gordon Freeman a dude who has made some questionable choices in his back story and must face them by going to the town of silent hill. Allusions to earlier jokes aside.

Yeah i’m struggling with this one, i mean what do i say. Reviewing is really hard. How can i talk about a game that i haven’t played since july of 2012. If i logged on now would Gordon have started a family with Barney? Do they allow for gay marriage in the half life world? Would not allowing it be enough to stop mr freeman and mr freeman from entering into loving matrimony also is that what the G in G-man stands for?  I have so many questions and it’s not even installed, okay that's a lie but i’m still not going to play it. You see for as long as i don’t, the possibilities are infinite and no reality can ever match the unspoiled potential of infinite possibilities, which is why i am pro-abortion.

Me and father grigori never saw eye to eye. Until i flung a saw at his eye then he dropped some ammo but completely gave up on giving me spiritual advice. Kleiner and i used to go down the local strip club and spread around the fake dollar bills he cooked up in the lab. It was such a sweet and simple time, you too probably have fun memories that’d form the ideal basis for a thirty minute sitcom format and after all isn’t that what half life was really about?

Did they ever explain the thing about the antlions or were we just meant to not really give a dam. I mean the models were cool and all but it just this one underling thing that stops the series from feeling complete to me, it's a glaring hole now that i think about it. There's so much that hinges on it and it’s just left unanswered. It's a huge cliff hanger that is begging for something to tie it neatly up. WHATS UP WITH THE ANTLIONS VALVE? WHY WON’T YOU TELL US, WHAT ARE YOU HIDING BEHIND THAT STORE FRONT?

The essence of dread...a fear factor modern titles lack: The elder scrolls: oblivion.

The elder scrolls: roman numerals: oblivion.

Ermmm, right so i have a headache, not an excuse or anything but i felt like we needed an icebreaker and well we’re into it now so let's not lose momentum. Last week My coworker suggested people should have to disclose their hiv status on their jobs applications. I don’t have HIV, to my knowledge but i do own a copy of the elder scrolls for oblivion. Which is a bit of a misnomer as we act in game against the interest of the demons, sorry i mean Daedra, that live there. King four arms and spiky thinks the place we live is his place to live and we don't want that for the aforementioned reason of us living there already. Wasn’t that a neat synopsis, i wish all media was so easy to describe... I think we can all agree poetry is bad.

Right onto the meat and potatoes, i was running low on supplies in my home, near the northern town of bruma and we had guests coming that night, the air was crisp and scented with the gentle fragrance of pine. It was winter and cold one at that, no staying out longer than needed. I was waiting for the game to town to load in when i caught sight of my own reflection and realised i have yet to succumb to the vampiric disease inflicted on me by a homeless man two nights prior. Normally this wouldn’t be a problem but i’m disliked by the local clergy for my stance on talos worship and they haven’t discovered that tuberculosis is a thing yet. The game tells me i have begun to crave blood but really i'm in the mood for chinese.

This is a fantasy world however, so there is no china, until player numbers start to dip and we need to make some mad bank with kung fu pandas. So like i said, meat and potatoes. The trouble and strife asked i pick up some herbs and alchemical supplies because she has back pain, probably from the odd way she sleeps. that sort of thing is legal here if you have a doctor's prescription. Shock horror the shop’s closed. So i pop into the local mages guild, bunch of litteriate wanker. In the future they’ll be things that read for you and all you’ll need to know is how to cut wood and standardised assembly jobs or so i’ve come to believe

This is dragging on a bit but there was an invisible dude, and when i bumped into him i thought it was demon come to steal my kneecaps. so i punched him square in the taint and now the guards on my tail. Great opportunity to talk about the combat mechanics… i however spend all day jumping so i leapt onto a rooftop and waited till they got bored and went for supper. I returned home with supplies in tow and the missus asked if i’d apologised to the  priest yet, i said “she’d still not apologised for insulting stendarr by worshiping a man beside him and i would withhold by apology until such a time as she found herself in possession of a lick of sense” in truth i’d not seen her but the wife's lips curled into a wicked sharp smile as she saw the pride flash across my face. I blushed, caught in an act that she revelled in. perfectly plain to the untrained eye but she took such delight it felt perverse. It was.

So then we got down to it, the meat and potatoes. Things got steamy, we almost opened a window but didn’t want to let in the cold, soon we have a rich broth ready our supper. We laid the table and waited for our guest to arrive. Lovely couple, bit naive. We talked about all sorts, bandits, the grey fox and a new grand champion in the capital and my wife’s recent recovery for an illness, her skin was paler. We said it was the bad weather. They said the stew tasted odd, lacked salt and garlic. Supplies are short we said. The husband started to make his excuses and  My wife glared at him and his wife rose to her feet in an outrage, i did so likewise, locked the door drew my blade and settled down to the main course as the fangs descended from my wifes lips  … dear reader it’s far too cold to be homeless up in bruma and the priestess is a devout worshiper of stendarr… no one came looking for them you know, best you mind who you go to dine with, remember they’ll be dining with you too…..MUHAHAHA.