VR headsets ruined my sex life

Concerto for a rainy day softly plays. The gentle light of an overcast August day seeps in through breaks in the curtains as i chew a length of plastic, my imitation cigarette: itself an imitation of poverty for the 19th century artist attempting to clad their purple gowns in the washed out colours of proletariat authenticity. Nowhere in video games is the line between authenticity and the simulated more prevalent than in video games.

I’ve had the honour, no, the blessing, no… I’ve used. I like that one. I’ve used Vr headsets just a handful of times in my life: assuming that a hand can hold more than three and less than five Vr’s. I mean, I could have met a handful of elephants and had it only be the one, fetal, elephant. They gestate for 22 months, and now you’ve learned something, so this isn’t a total waste of time. How many elephant facts constitutes a handful?

Vr’s biggest limitation at the moment is that it’s hella expensive and does to hardware what a really intensive graphically complex 3-d image does to a GPU. Now if that sounds a bit too technical for you we can go back to elephant facts: Did you know that an African bush elephant weighs more than twice as much as a jungle elephant, and they weigh (a colossal) 2,700 KG. no i didn’t slip an extra Zero in there, they are just really heavy.

I punched my friends kneecaps repeatedly while playing super hot. The issue with having one move around a 3-D Space, is that if the audience’s knee caps enter the physical space that overlaps with the digital realm just where the enemies head is; there is a keen likelihood that i won’t see it the first time and won’t stop from the second to eighth due to the mind breaking immersion. Their trunks are a fusion of the nose and upper lip, if you pinch the two together you might get some impression of what being an elephant is like, but probably not.

Holy cow on a satsuma, I know this is the man draw of VR, other than people spoiling at the chance to look like a prat, but it’s dam immersive. One often forgets the fiction of the place, not in the overarching experience but in singular panicked moments that startle the reptile brain into getting it’s freak out on. Speaking of brains ours have 86 millions fibres which is good until you remember elephants have 257 million, then again elephants don’t have Vr headsets so who is really winning the evolution?

The issue with this whole piece is i have only experienced VR briefly as a guest, and as such can’t claim any specific insight. I’m not sure what actually living with the technology is like. Now just to be clear, I could have asked any of the people I know who do have VR and have chosen not to because I am lazy and not interested in the topic outside attempting use is as a vessel to discuss a species that eats specifics plants as a means to induce labour, a form of self medication that is indicative of their highly developed brains.

In summary elephants never forget but i forgot to… what did i forget again? I don’t seem to remember.