fallout 76 will have a battle royale mode!

Woke up this morning with a real feeling of punditry on the breeze, normally i wait till later in the week to knock out one of these bad boy’s much like my pre-bed shower game; which i will not, sigh of relief, be reviewing…this week. The smart move would have been to take my bank of cashiers checks, (my little white spurts) and sit myself down in front of the electronic entertainment expo for god knows how many hours, cranking out words with my hand while i simply sink into the cringe of it all. I know some who did, but they don’t have blogs, nor do they possess the sheer indifference to reason needed to spit one of these things out. I could ask what they thought but that might give me something to write about, ruining this paragraphs implication that all i have here is a steaming pile of wank.

After a friend send me a link to the preorder for fallout 76 power armour edition retailing for about 175 pound sterling i decided that a ounce of grandstanding is in order, nothing short of total smug can be invoked for the tidal wave of cosmic level miscreance on both his part and the part of the infamous satanic figure: todd howard, who will use the revenue from said collector’s edition to fuel his industrial scale psychic hive-mind of kidnapped children to driver us ever closer to an actual nuclear apocalypse.

Such charges ought not to go unsubstantiated. In print such words could be liable, but sueing is the last thing todd howard would do. In order to sue he’d have to prove to the judge that i was wrong and that were was no hivemind of kidnapped children locked away in the basement of bethesda studios right between fallout: new vegas 2 and the smouldering puss soaked remains of Brink (2011). All things big todd would never let see the light of day. Hence i feel we are at something of an impasse, these words alone can’t stop the apocalypse but maybe they might make BIG T lose some sleep in between re-releasing skyrims.

I’m beginning to wonder if the apocalypse would be that bad, for one thing it’s most certainly mean the end of my more powerful and popular rivals platform’s, i off course would survive unlike the ninety percent of people who would die in an actual apocalypse. I’m still too naive to consider my death a given certainty and as a result i approach nightmare scenarios like some brave new world being stripped of the shackles of conventional morality so i can made so called HARD CHOICES! But then the alternative is choosing between sweet corn brands; can anyone really blame me?

With all the meaningless speculative waffle this could be loosely compared to a kotaku article, if i had actually read any and not just heard about them through cultural osmosis. So let's get back to something more real. The friend i mentioned earlier, the one you might rightfully construed as an entirely fictitious element, undermining my proposition of returning to the real but which is in actual fact a person i know. Yeah? That one? Well he preordered the game, a preorder! Blatant blasphemy in internet circles. The dam thing was barely announced a week ago and has not been subject to the least critical appraisal, unless this counts, and already he has brought copy albeit not the ‘can’t pay rent now’ edition

So what exactly has he brought into, what is it people are buying when they pre-order. It’s really quite simple. Like a gold prospector staking their claim to some wasteland marsh my friend believes here be gold. He has purchased ownership, in an age of digital distribution where there is no scarcity, so all that’s left is ownership and even that’s watered down. A rather ironic paradigm for a fallout game in which everything is scarce and their really is no strong form of legal ownership, where preorders are replaced with not knowing where the next meal comes from. He Has brought ownership of a thing with certainty, wherein there is neither. If that doesn’t make your neck spin your joints aren't quite as flexible as my own but i’m firmly of the belief that you’re all trying.

Have i read the list of features they plan to put in the game? No! When a child draws their dream castle and puts the carmel pool right next to the man eating alligators one generally pays it little serious consideration. Until the child has achieved their masters in architecture that is. At which point i would do like to do nothing more than sit down with a brew and chat alligator logistics. You can tell a gator from a croc on the basis of whether it will see you in later or in a while. How i wish that joke was the product of my own mind, true envy lays therin.

Maybe that’s just it, this half cocked slapdash scrawl, just some cheap cash in on E3 an envy fuelled ride to gawk at those uncynical enough to put their money where their mouth is for things they unambiguously want. William hague, a tory posh boy, decided the other day that the war on drugs is a bust, maybe it’s time i too conceded that the war against nothing in particular has also failed to curb the rampant elephantiasised unwieldiness of nothing in particular. Then again the steam sale are right around the corner, maybe i might find some glimmer of salvation on that sea of green.