CTRL ALT BREXIT

Straight up punch, big question opener: why are there no Brexit video games? I mean there’s a film in “the works” and i have no idea what the plot might be but at this point i don’t think anyone else quite does either. Probably because it’s real life and hence everything has the murky semi implied edge to it that leaves one's ability to experience something like a spoon up to the person’s willingness to trust their senses. Scaled up to something this big and it becomes a huge miasma of pulsating postulates.

The main thrust of the idea behind a video game Brexit is that all the trailers could be misleading, the devs could tell outright lies about the content, it could be a barely functional wreck and all that would do is cement it as one of the most realistic games to date.

That felt too close to being an actual joke for this format so here’s some overly long deluge of words: A friend, not a very good one, well i mean i know them well enough it’s just they’re not that good overall, pointed out the ease of satire Brexit provides and while not a profound observation, is was useful to the point where i’d acknowledge it, while also distancing myself by saying a friend said it, and not me.

Now i’ve arrived at a perfectly good place to vent my frustrations around the whole process and have a good old satirical moan. Unfortunately for my narrative structure i have a profound need to be edgy and subversive and so today we will buck the trend of using video games to vent about my political views in order to show up all those shoddy half-caked journalist stooges that there is a better way forwards. Will i be A-political? NO! Better, i will use politics to talk about my frustrations around video games.

What’s with the constant updating to Brexit AMIRIGHT, why can’t they just realise a stable version (i.e. one with horses) and leave it alone for a while. I don’t like the idea of a massive upfront bill and then having to pay more to maintain public services because our economy isn’t generating enough taxable revenue due to decreased trade. Here i term the lack of economic transactions taking place as being: micro-transactions (is this enough subtext for you, you wile ponce). Things like good education and infrastructure maintenance may seem cosmetic but the have huge impact on the experience and should be taken more seriously.

What’s with flood of political commentators, the over analysis of every move exhausts out ability to focus on what’s happening and form our own views. This is made worse by their crackly microphone and the fact they keep calling me a nazi because i wanted to remain in spawn and save the good equipment i already have for the next round. Not to mention the fact that a team leader called a break, then left when people voted for it. Shit i’ve slipped back into games and a cover for politics and not politics as a cover for video games. Just goes to show that Brexit satire is too easy to resist. The low hanging fruit that it is serves as an easy segway into a sexual harassment analogue that is both tasteless and crass.

The ease with which i wrote this is unbelievable, most the notes were scrawled on the back of a napkin in line at a coffee shop at peak rush while i had a full tonic-clonic seizure, which goes a long way to explain much of the prose herein. While not seeming like a massive deviation from my prior method this was i can assure you this took considerably less effort on my part.

I rate the hypothetical brexit video game a massive waste of time that’ll drop out of popularity super quickly once something more polished comes along like people getting fed up of using food banks or something…

PS: brexit auto corrects to brevity on my computer, if only IRL had this feature.

Going mainstream, abandoning integrity and buying a yacht.

I feel an amassing of good will around the name BVGROTI, my critique has been poignant yet fair. My claims bold, yet tempered. I am relatable, friendly and even approachable. I can sing my own praises, but that’s nothing new. What is new is my inability to capitalise on that fact. Let’s face it hoe, Friendly faces don’t pay bills. If you want to survive in the jungle you’ve gotta be mean, and i’m not talking about statistical averages. Thing is i can’t help who i am, changing my persona to be more degrading to my swine (audience) can only do so much. I need a better audience.

Kids. i don’t like them and they don’t like me. them, on the count of being able to smell fear; and me, on the count that they can smell my fear. Is that the correct use of a semi colon? Yeah, why not, i have no idea. Kids don’t know either. literacy rates among kids have dropped to i don’t know i’m making this up but that never stopped the daily mail. My point is that i need a pliable audience that both lacks critical thinking and has access to currency. An overlap that can be found in young children; though it’s normally V-bucks and i can’t feed my children with those because i don’t have any (leaving that ambiguous FYI).

My supreme ability to think rationally has left me penniless, and the implication of that joke makes my sound like a libertarian, hence swaying them into my demographic. Weirdly enough they fit into the Goldilocks zone too, welcome on board my fountainhead mules: the compulsory donations to truth and liberty to end taxation is in a buck to your left.

Advertisement. As far as i can tell ever since the financial crash of 2008, everything has been bad and only people with money spend it anymore. Hence why everything is done via advertisements. Companies pay us, the shitposters, to be vehicles for your indoctrination into stunning website design at the click of a mouse that you can listen to anywhere on the move and even… i got distracted shitposting a chat. Where was i?

Oh yes, patreon. Honestly i kind of like the idea. Free money has always appealed to me hence why i always try for a dump at work, even if i went before hand. It’s matter of principle. I mean i am technically getting shit done. It’s just a matter of where, and we don’t shit where we eat, which is why no one eats in the manager's office. This would be true if i had a spine but i’m as much a shill there as i am here. Say anything, do anything, reject meaning. Accept currency acquire females or males, or anyone else for that matter… money doesn’t judge you, so why should i?

Am i a shill yet? well my revenue stream is about where it started minus potential earning i’ll lose for drafting this in my own blood. Time to sell some Merch! It doesn’t even have to be tasteful, i think the tastelessness might even help a little. People with taste often have some degree of critical thinking and we, like a stunted giraffe are aiming for the pale meek leaves at the bottom of the tree. Merch! makes you stand out and nothing highlights a person more than a T-shirt with the words “KILL YOUR FAMILY” printed in big capital letters.

Finally, an empire needs a culture, unless you’re Rome. Rome fell and it’s pretty clear this was the case because they didn’t have a good sense of cultivated identity and were pillaged by barbarians after their military costs spiralled out of control, the emphasis there is for scholars to debate. People stick around longer if you give them a community, or better yet a designation used to mask the fact there is no group there at all, just people who supply you with money. Divide people on an arbitrary basis colour code each and whoops you’ve created a group identity. People aren't just fooled because you lie to them, they have underlying biases that will aid you in your efforts.

This is what people who know stuff have termed “psychology”.

Marketing is therefore applied psychology, the one true science with total empirical control over the universe due to its ability to subvert what empirical means and how we observe things. This entire piece (piss) being the culmination of its effect, a haze of psycho-distortionary effects to weaken the mind and induce a pliable state of buy my merch.

In blade runner the idea of dystopia was married to skyscraper billboards, more recently and in slightly riffing of the idea the point was made that the persona can be co-opted to be used as an advertisement, by south park of all things…

Bizarre synth noise plays with overlong distortion and fade out to create ominous overture
“You're in a desert walking along in the sand when all of the sudden you look down, an ice cold can of pepsi is crawling towards you.”
“What desert?”
“The desert of the real. Anyway. The tortoise lays on its back, its belly baking in the hot sun beating its legs trying to turn itself over but it can't, not without your help, but you're not helping.”
“What do you mean i’m not helping?”
“You haven’t donated to their patreon.” 

Have i stoked enough fear yet to be wealthy? 2/7 no horses this time.