I’ve woken up tired and unfocused so what a better time than to start a review. I’ve got two games in mind: Transistor or fallout 3? One has a far longer story, more content and advanced graphics. But if that was my criteria for a what i review i’d be IGN, which i’m clearly not. i'm the BVGROTI (just rolls off the tongue) so i asked myself which game is objectively more engaging? Then decided that was too much thought so picked alphabetically. Transistor is the (tran)sister game to bastion and the other one they released that i haven’t looked at despite enjoying their games so far, prye? Maybe? I could open steam right now and check but then again so could you. I’m not busy or anything but…
Right let's get down to brass tacks. Idioms are a great way to talk about games because they’re catchy and make you sound relatable, on with the show. Now if i had to give a penny for my thought i’d say this game is a real hot potato. Only i wouldn’t, potatoes are rich in carbs and likely to leave you feeling quite full. This is more of a cheese platter, you could stuff your face, like the disgusting mouth breather i know some of you are, Or you could take your time and be a pretentious twit about it all. Honestly the take away here is mastication isn’t a pretty thing…unlike this game. (nice save)
The two things these games are consistently praised for is the emotive storytelling and soundtrack along with it’s art design. These four design aspects of game design form the triforce of irrelevance. In short, no one cares, no one remembers that stuff it’s boring and tedious, it's too much to look at and feeling emotions is boring and is repetitive and boring and i don’t want to have to consider themes, messages and narratives let me kills stuffs pls. The triforce of irrelevants stands or rather squats as the polar opposite of other shape of good videogame stuff, namely: open worlds, FPS, ‘moral’ choices and costing more than forty british pounds. I guess it's like a rhombus or something (clearly just a rotated square) (I could make a joke about the diminishing value of the pound in the face of brexit but they’ll be worth less than our currency in six months time)
Okay, i lost my trail of thought somewhere along the way there but i can tell you’re still reading this so lets press on. Transistor is all themed around taking place in a computer world, how meta. name is relevant joke, much wit. I guess in that regard it’s a lot like tron if you take “a lot like” to mean has surface similarities to. Trying to avoid spoiler for the (snoke is rey’s son) in the audience. the game starts with you, the player character, losing their voice and boyfriend. Instead of being in another castle however the boy now lives inside a transistor and vibrates when you attach triple A batteries, a call to action if ever i heard one.
Either way some idiot got worried that their significant other or the FBI would find the pornography on their computer, so the whole thing is being reformatted and there are a bunch of rude boys to stop you from doing the thing and stuff, kind of spirals out from there with you recruiting other program people to your vibrating magic wand adding to your abilities as you go. Which brings me neatly around to the gameplay. At first i was confused, i had no generic shooter gun and the enemies weren’t coded clearly as the other, if anything the faceless horde of white conformists i was facing made me assume i was on the wrong side.
Once i powered through these designs floors i was stunned to discover the game wanted me to figure stuff out for myself rather than scream instructions in my ear the entire way through, i even had to spend time figuring out which way to go and what abilities and customisations to use. I didn’t realise the game was literally the LNAT. worst of all i wasn’t having my self worth affirmed at every stage. I found the mood more introspective and considered which are synonyms for bad and not good. What’s more i was a female character by default and couldn’t find the option to change it.
Now for a shameless reference to youtube personalities as i strain to stay relevant in the age of online video...
Transisthony soundtracktano here, Internets music talky man with little spare time. Here today talking about the game’s tunes. Hooks, banging collabs and trap beats. All that good stuff, i know how to talk about music. Vocal harmonising, production value. I wear a plaid shirt ect, ect Tomorrow, and tomorrow, and tomorrow, Creeps in this petty pace from day to day, To the last syllable of recorded time; I am the Captain of the Pinafore! And a right good captain, too! Captain. You're very, very good, And be it understood, I command a right good crew.
It was at the point i had to put the keyboard down (yes i hold it like a keytar and even sing prince songs while i write, yes that does explain a lot doesn’t it) and i went for a walk in the rain and stood under some street lights, only it was the wrong time of day so the effect was somewhat diminished. It was at the point i had an epiphany… this game would have been better with horses.
