I reached a stolid impasse in my review. My grasp on the medium of both text and gaming was become unbearably powerful, causing lesser minded peons, those less texturally adjusted to languid and baboonish prose, to scoff and say such daft things as:
“I'm glad you were able to determine that he doesn't, in fact, ever get to an actual point. I had to stop halfway through, I was getting a headache from the deafening sound of him patting himself on the back for being the smartest person ever.”
Yeah mate (u/IfIMayBeKobold), well if you’re struggling that much maybe go limber up with some James Joyce.
Well despite vowing never to give into their remarks, I felt very much that i’d been cancelled. Not in the sense that I had said something to cause offense, but that there was now a general disinterested by the Plebeian masses in my enriching their days with the first thing that sprang forth from my tea-addled brain like Zeus producing Athena.
But no habit can be kicked forever, and I'm due for a relapse: So without further ado, shogun 2!
Total war and I have an abusive relationship, she alienates me from friends and family, controls where I go and who I see, then blames me for everything that goes wrong. Despite, or maybe because of this, I love her.
When we went to Japan, I put together an elite force of gun-wielding samurai, horse archers, cannon, ninjas and just all that good stuff. She slapped it all out of my hand, total defeat. She took my bus pass and made us walk home in the middle of a rain storm. Soaked through, and crying I shuffled inside where she set her arms around me, and told me I was doing it all wrong. I was acting according to my interests, when really I should have been paying more attention to hers.
Peasants, hundreds of them, an endless horde of rice cultivating blokes wearing those hats, i CBA to look up the name, and wielding the mightiest little pokey things, (spears?) In all the world. These are what my girl wanted, and by god I didn't want her to escalate things. So I went along with it and won a string of battles, knowing that by doing this there was less chance she’d take my things without asking.
We stayed in together, used the forts to shelter our fragile relationship from the scrutiny of the other high ranking Ronin. When the peasants got angry, I appeased them by giving them money, or temples, anything to stop them smashing my favourite mug in the sink out of spite.
I marched and marched and marched. Hours went by, and I was an unstoppable force, unwavering and unwilling to move out my lane. It became too much, I couldn’t spend my every waking second longing for her approval so I left and joined a Tibetan monastery... airways economy class flight back home, I rushed home, packed my things and decided to move back into my parents where I could let my broken self-esteem fester… but before I left i knelt down, then fell on all fours, i knew what had to be done; I made a huge shit on her favourite plant pot. I’m not ashamed of myself. It needed to happen
.
The power was mine
again, and with it I uninstalled the game and got back to my life of salt laden
Csgo matches, and shooting up league of legends in some run down garage behind
a papa johns.
